Think of everything we've accomplished

It's 2009. Let yourselves cry.

Don't forget my lunch

A new study is reporting that women become more forgetful during pregnancy, a condition called 'baby brain'. This study is wrong. A woman's memory isn't impaired because she is pregnant, but because she is a woman.

A German exchange

The other day I hit up a sexy German exchange student. She spoke for a while while I pretended to listen. I must have nodded at the appropriate places as she said she felt some sort of "connection" between us. There's only one connection I'm interested in feeling, I'll be taking the deep and leaving the meaningful at home.

Do It

Jasper says you have to start watching Californication on Channel 10, Mondays. You'd better do what he says.

The son I never had

The little things

I like subscribing to mailing lists using rude or obnoxious titles. That way when I start receiving their shitty image-laden mail with the chirpy opening "Hello Dickface!" I get to write a long winded diatribe complaining of their abuse of customers, blaming the renaming on some disgruntled employee.

Saturday afternoon with Methusael

<Jasper> There is a fitch in the office across from mine, she is blond with big knockers.
<Jasper> Naturally I love her for her intellect. And the fact that she may sleep with me
<Methusael> Naturally.
<Methusael> Take some covert photography of her, I will help you find an angle.
<Jasper> I normally like to go in perpendicular, if you understand my meaning.
<Methusael> EXPLAIN IT TO ME.
<Jasper> Well you see, if you attempt entry at too shallow an angle to her personality, you run the risk of total internal reflection, where she will deflect your meagre approach.
<Jasper> Most people try to optimise entry by an angle of incidence 45deg to the perpendicular, a mix of idle chatter and deeper psychological exchange.
<Jasper> I on the other hand prefer the 90deg level of entry. I start baring humiliating personal deficits in my character, along with intimate personal details about herself, revealing that I've been monitoring her closely for weeks.
<Jasper> I find this approach typically penetrates a girl's psyche, leaving her speechless, at which point courting can commence