Black Bile Box

Party games from the dead

2011-08-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

Q) What's coated in candy and wrapped in cellophane? A) Drunk!

2011-01-05T05:57:00.000-08:00

You know what's better than sex in your office? Sex in somebody else's office.

Execution

2010-12-07T06:36:00.000-08:00

Assange is a threat to fascism everywhere, he must be executed.

2010-11-16T19:41:00.000-08:00

I'm like a chocolate cake full of semen; chocolate on the outside, semen in the middle.

Tunes of the heart

2010-11-16T17:04:00.000-08:00

I think I'll load some inspirational music onto my ipenis and work out

Applesauce

2010-11-15T17:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life. Then I realise, absolutely nothing, and I get back to work.

2010-10-22T17:48:00.000-07:00

What the fuck are you looking at cunt?

delectatio morosa

2010-07-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

I don't remember who your mother is, but I'm your dad. Each and every one of you.

Missing

2010-07-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

Where's that prostitute of mine, have you seen her? She can't have gotten far, that wheelchair of hers is slow.

Hello 2010

2010-01-02T22:05:00.003-08:00

You've accomplished nothing.

Think of everything we've accomplished

2009-01-01T20:52:00.000-08:00

It's 2009. Let yourselves cry.

Don't forget my lunch

2008-02-05T17:04:00.000-08:00

A new study is reporting that women become more forgetful during pregnancy, a condition called 'baby brain'. This study is wrong. A woman's memory isn't impaired because she is pregnant, but because she is a woman.

A German exchange

2007-09-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

The other day I hit up a sexy German exchange student. She spoke for a while while I pretended to listen. I must have nodded at the appropriate places as she said she felt some sort of "connection" between us. There's only one connection I'm interested in feeling, I'll be taking the deep and leaving the meaningful at home.

Do It

2007-09-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

Jasper says you have to start watching Californication on Channel 10, Mondays. You'd better do what he says.

The son I never had

2007-09-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

The little things

2007-08-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

I like subscribing to mailing lists using rude or obnoxious titles. That way when I start receiving their shitty image-laden mail with the chirpy opening "Hello Dickface!" I get to write a long winded diatribe complaining of their abuse of customers, blaming the renaming on some disgruntled employee.

Saturday afternoon with Methusael

2007-08-25T01:50:00.000-07:00

<Jasper> There is a fitch in the office across from mine, she is blond with big knockers.
<Jasper> Naturally I love her for her intellect. And the fact that she may sleep with me
<Methusael> Naturally.
<Methusael> Take some covert photography of her, I will help you find an angle.
<Jasper> I normally like to go in perpendicular, if you understand my meaning.
<Methusael> EXPLAIN IT TO ME.
<Jasper> Well you see, if you attempt entry at too shallow an angle to her personality, you run the risk of total internal reflection, where she will deflect your meagre approach.
<Jasper> Most people try to optimise entry by an angle of incidence 45deg to the perpendicular, a mix of idle chatter and deeper psychological exchange.
<Jasper> I on the other hand prefer the 90deg level of entry. I start baring humiliating personal deficits in my character, along with intimate personal details about herself, revealing that I've been monitoring her closely for weeks.
<Jasper> I find this approach typically penetrates a girl's psyche, leaving her speechless, at which point courting can commence

2007-08-24T20:10:00.000-07:00

I LIKE BEETROOT

Conversations with Methusael

2007-08-20T02:06:00.001-07:00

<Jasper> I plan to go to the doctor tomorrow
<Methusael> Why's that? You unwell?
<Jasper> I've been coughing quite a bit since i got back from overseas, phlegmy.
<Methusael> Tubercolosis, my friend.
<Jasper> I'm sure it's late-stage
<Jasper> So I wiki'd it
<Methusael> Wikipedia ... for all your medical diagnosis needs.
<Jasper> Yeah, if only I had a panicy news report to back up my worries
<Jasper> Maybe I should go and engage in sexual intercourse with men
<Jasper> and monkeys
<Jasper> try and pick up syphilis and mutant aids
<Jasper> and top it off with raw chicken from Asia for a case of bird flu
<Jasper> then have sex with every woman in my city
<Methusael> It would almost be worth it.
<Methusael> Just for the stirring yarns you could tell your kids.
<Methusael> And I'm assuming you could father QUITE A FEW.
<Methusael> You'd be dead before they could understand your stories, but that hardly matters.
<Jasper> I'd write them all letters
<Jasper> to be delivered at some exact moment in the future
<Jasper> at some exact place
<Jasper> with their exact name
<Jasper> and sign it from Doc.

Cermaic Joys

2007-07-31T05:48:00.000-07:00

"Naturale toilet tissue is manufactured from clean office waste paper, giving uncompromising softness and strength". Sometimes I sit and wonder how many shattered hopes and dreams are contained within the recycled memos I wipe across my arse. I'd like to think a lot.

My kind of man

2007-07-31T04:41:00.000-07:00

I find the sexual stamina of today's generation to be extremely lacking. Today's feminised man is only interested in monogamous trysts; ménage à trois and swinger parties have become a thing of the past. It is a sad day when men must get their instruction on sexual prowess from the animal kingdom, a beast of God.

"A guinea pig called Sooty enjoyed a night of passion with 24 females after fooling his way into their cage in south Wales." Sooty sired 42 offspring in just 2 nights. When the keepers found him "he was absolutely shattered - we put him back in his cage and he slept for two days". Most men can't even handle one woman these days. Aristocratic procreation would be so much easier if nations would adopt my idea of easy-access rape camps. If only, Russia.

On a side note, I find the human condition of affection towards all things cute and fluffy to be vacuous and a sign of weakness. All such fluffy pets should be exterminated, preferably by gassing. This technique has worked well for past vermin - nigglets, Charlie, and kikes.

Every man and his dog

2007-07-20T04:03:00.000-07:00

There are too many blogs on the Internet, the government should delete half of them.

Wireless Pants

2007-04-02T01:18:00.000-07:00

That chick on the Nintendo DS Animal Crossing commercial is smoking hot. I'd sure love to pose as a 16 year old girl in her chat room.

Incontinence

2007-03-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

Female obedience is just a kidney-punch away.

A man's man

2007-03-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

Sean Connery telling it like it is on a man's moral obligation to slap a woman - "I think it's absolutely right". It's good to see that the PC faggots haven't completely taken over Hollywood.

Rant to Methusael

2007-01-11T22:32:00.000-08:00

In a parallel universe somewhere, debugging is better than sex.
I wish I lived there.

Word of the day

2007-01-02T00:41:00.000-08:00

Niggard
- noun
A mean, stingy or parsimonious person.

Usage
Fuck I hate niggers!

Back from the dead ... briefly

2006-12-13T05:24:00.000-08:00

Kryz's words of love have re-energised me temporarily to share with you this beautiful cinematic moment.

Leave of absence

2006-12-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

For those few diligent readers who keep coming back to Black Bile Box even though I've ceased posting: fuck off. Restless fingers should be put to use somewhere warm and moist, not on pointless mouse clicking. I'm taking a temporary leave of absence until the early/middle part of next year, work is taking too much of my mental space, leaving nothing for BBB.

Gamer's Dilemma

2006-11-19T22:39:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong to gain an erection while unloading a clip from a silenced semi-automatic handgun into the back and head of the virtual girl you're supposed to be wooing?

HowieJ, pimpin' my comz up in yo bitches

2006-11-06T04:12:00.000-08:00

Person 1) Hey darling, you've heard of T3 right?
Person 2) Isn't it that bonfire ritual where people throw their money into a flaming pyre en masse?
Person 1) No, that's T2.

Superior DeoxyriboNucleic Acid

2006-11-06T01:52:00.000-08:00

The BBC has a wonderful clip of Aryan reunion. These super children were the hope of our Great Nation, and the salvation of the human race. Unfortunately, the war was over before the fruits of our breeding programs could be deployed on the battlefield. Had these children achieved maturity in time, their superiority on the battlefield would have been assured, causing the Allies to recognise the greatness of our plan and succumb to our ideology. It is a tragedy of the highest order that society operates without similar laws and divisions; this intermingling and impurity is the source of modern degeneracy and corruption.

Years later, as discussed in the BBC clip, the psyche of these holy children has been manipulated by the victors. While their shame is treasonous, sadly, it is to be expected lest they too be tried in mock courts. I long for the day when we will rise again, and be victorious in our struggle.

Ejaculatory Dreams

2006-11-05T03:24:00.000-08:00

I support the development of this type of weapon. I for one am willing to submit myself to assist in the construction of these vital new tools in the fight against female terror.

Afternoon wood

2006-11-02T22:35:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I happened to flip on Channel 10 while making myself an afternoon snack. I was greeted with a pleasant surprise: a bunch of hot, early-20's chicks wearing tight, cleavage-revealing tank tops. Now, never mind the show's occult storyline, obviously a ploy by the liberal media to diminish the last vestiges of organised religion, afternoon television has finally delivered what men everywhere wanted: scantily-clad young female eye-candy, delivered with a barely adequate storyline so as not to distract from the hotness, yet sufficient to draw attention away from the presence of our hands wrapped around our throbbing cocks.

Urban vagina

2006-10-31T19:12:00.000-08:00

While we're on the subject of bitches:

8. Bipolar

a common side effect of having a vagina.

she has some awful mood swings, its like she is bipolar.

Shopping

2006-10-31T19:10:00.000-08:00

Looks like I just found my new coffee mug!

Local muslim prompts cheering over female dress comments

2006-10-26T04:23:00.000-07:00

It's a rare day that I agree with a sand nigger, but the strong and pure words of Australia's Sheikh Taj el-Din al-Hilali have prompted me thusly to congratulate him. In a poignant discussion regarding the dress standards of women, the Sheikh noted that "women who did not wear a hijab (head dress) were like "uncovered meat"", and that through these actions would be "attracting sexual assault". Bravo Sheikh, bravo. It is absolutely the fault of the woman for attracting sexual or verbal assault. Why? Because it is always a woman's fault.

How can a man be expected to control his sexual urges when they are orders of magnitude more powerful, and important, than those of woman? If I want to whip out my cock on sight of a beautiful woman, or feel the need to rub it up against the soft curve of her back while she walks by, how is this not my right as a man? Further more, taking a leaf out of Pakistani men, if my woman serves up my dinner cold, or is seen looking at another man, how is it not my right to to splash acid in her face? Granted this disciplinary measure may be a tad extreme if you still want to have sex with her, in which case the recently publicised waterboarding technique should be used. Yes yes, technically the Americans did charge a WWII Japanese solider with war crimes for using it, but it only adds to its potency for instilling a submissive personality.

The cleric and I however do disagree on one important point, I feel that a woman's honour can only be maintained by wearing as little clothing as possible, preferably none at all. How else can a man determine her sexual vitality, or "fuckability"?

I love the smell of wetness in the morning

2006-10-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

Today's luscious tits and bits are brought to you by Keeley Hazell. Fornicate at will.

Homemade glory

2006-10-25T18:04:00.000-07:00

The glory of my brethren is on display today, with some recently uncovered home footage. It will enrich your life.

Fucking Russians.

Fame at last!

2006-10-24T04:49:00.000-07:00

After many months of effort I have finally reached blogging perfection; today Black Bile Box was inaugurated into Urban Dictionary. Thumbs Up me mother fuckers!

Sicky

2006-10-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

I seem to have contracted a case of Severe Acute Bubonic Creutzfeldt-Jakob Respitory Plague Syndrome.

Fuck you Jesus!

Numerology Bullshit

2006-10-21T07:31:00.000-07:00

In amongst the usual shit of past-midnight commercials this evening was a rather interesting new contender. This latest scheme to suck your wallet dry supposedly determines your "match rating" with someone by determining the numerology fit of your fucking names. At first I thought, if I was dating some random bitch and she decided to end things because our match rating wasn't high enough, I'd sue the fucking company. But then I realised, if the bitch is stupid enough to waste her money on that shit, she deserves to have her cheek broken; the perfect excuse.

Whining 9/11 families

2006-10-21T04:26:00.000-07:00

Apparently a few previously undiscovered bodies at the world trade centre have just surfaced, and the familes are cracking a right shit about it. I think they need to shut the hell up lest they embolden our enemy. What these families need to remember is that the terrorists only killed around 2,900 civilians on September 11; we've done a far better job killing over 600,000 Iraqi's since our invasion. Shit, Saddam could only manage 300,000 while in power for the last two decades. These families need to consider the ramifications of their querulous behaviour; we don't want anything to diminish our standing as the absolute leaders in civilian massacring.

Praise Jesus!

2006-10-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

"Christian leaders are warning one another that their teenagers are abandoning the faith in droves" Thank Christ, some might say. Not me though, terrible shame. The world needs more radicals, they're just so pliable.

"Genuine alarm can be heard from Christian teenagers and youth pastors, who say they cannot compete against a pervasive culture of cynicism about religion, and the casual “hooking up” approach to sex so pervasive on MTV, on Web sites for teenagers and in hip-hop, rap and rock music." Here's that TV, it's all your fault! You and that nigger music! Unlike the church though, I take a strong stance in support of "hooking up". I believe this practice encourages our youth to adopt a healthy, promiscuous adult lifestyle.

It's all about the progeny

2006-10-16T07:03:00.000-07:00

Don't you love old action movies where the hero inseminates the female before going off to a battle to the death?

A loving hand

2006-10-13T04:05:00.000-07:00

The degeneration of Western society into a morass of depravity, infidelity, insolence and sloth can be attributed to two things, feminism and a lack of childhood discipline. The UN has released a report which examines child abuse throughout the world, claiming it is both widespread and often socially acceptable. To those nations targeted by the report, let me be the first to say congratulations. A nation's mettle is proven not just on the battlefield but in the home. By ensuring order and discipline is adhered to, women and children have a structured environment by which their place in society is assured.

From the report "six million children have been forced into work and many more have become prostitutes." This is a good thing, be it working in a coal mine, carrying a rifle or sewing wallets for Western markets, these jobs teach 5 year olds essential life skills, and provides a boon for the economy. As for prostitution, well lads, if you don't ask for their age it can't be a crime.

While I disagree with much of the report there is one statement I support "This is the moment to recognise children as ... mini-human beings ... the property of their families". Damn straight UN, damn straight.

Vernacular of the wretched masses

2006-10-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

KTHXBAI. If only more "leet"-speakers would be so kind as to off themselves. Perhaps we should just track down every single user of gaming forums, jam sticks of chalk into their orifices and beat them with a blackboard duster. Ah, just like the good old days back in elementary.

Young men left mentally scarred

2006-10-12T00:55:00.000-07:00

"This was a nightmare I lived through." No, this is not the statement of a mother who watched her small child die of cancer. It's by Tara Reid, famous for one of the world's worst - titty - jobs.

"Guys I was dating would be like, 'What's wrong with them? They look really bad. You know, you should really get them fixed.' So embarrassing, I mean, you definitely had to turn off the lights." What's wrong with them? I think the bigger question is, what the fuck is so wrong with these guys that they would be in bed with a dried up piece of peroxided leather like Tara? Jesus. Paper bag? No, she's the reason full-body garbage bags were invented; just locate the hole and off you go. Bag and tag.

One less commie bitch

2006-10-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

I can't understand why the West is making such a big deal about the politically-motivated death of Russian reporter Anna Politkovskaya. It's a double win, one less commie and one less international reporter critical of torture! Naturally I support the state-sanctioned killing of reporters critical of torture carried out by Western states; an accidental bombing here, a mistaken sniper there, where's the harm in that? But, I am a little disappointed that we can no longer use her work as an ideological human rights beating stick against Russia on the world stage, because as a Great Man once said Communist Russia is "a state that has brought inconceivable misery to millions and desired to bring the same misery to the entire world."

Naturally I'm surprised that the Russians have even noticed her death; like the Great Man said "the masses of illiterate Russians were not fired to Communist revolutionary enthusiasm by reading the theories of Karl Marx but by the promises of paradise made to the people by thousands of agitators in the service of an idea." Just like those illiterate suicide-bombing sand niggers over in the Middle East, Russians can't even read and are easily led astray by phantasmagorical dreams of glory and righteousness. All we need now is another Afghanistan; let's stir up some geopolitical unrest so as to give both our enemies a chance to kill themselves. We can arm up those camel cunts and then send them off to kill the Russians; it's just a shame we've already pissed off bin Laden, he was so helpful against them last time .

Good Times

2006-10-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

I met a really nice girl tonight, sweet, pretty and we had a lot in common. Hopefully she'll let me cum in her ass.

Alyssa Milano's titties

2006-10-06T03:37:00.000-07:00

Milano doesn't normally make my cock swell with blood, however this 3 minute lesbian scene in which she gets her tits out for the whole thing and felt up sure did. So hot was it that I'm going to go masturbate now. Seriously.

Yellow wisdom meets Aryan science

2006-10-04T06:50:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I was mulling over the wisdom of Confucius; even for a 2,500 year old Chinaman he had some forward thinking ideas. As my friend Methusael remarked "I'm all for equality, but the suggestion that women are somehow equal to men is absurd. I just see them as semen receptacles." I couldn't agree more, and now the magic of science backs up what men the world over have known to be true all along, that women are intellectually inferior. There's a reason that women have always cleaned the floors, changed the nappies, looked after the kids, cooked the dinner, and given oral sex upon request: it's because that's all their feeble minds are capable of doing. After all, Eve came from Adam, she's just a low quality immoral knock-off of the real deal; the image of God.

High growth return investment

2006-10-04T06:12:00.000-07:00

I just developed an erection in under 5 seconds.

My penis is frowning

2006-10-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

I'd just like to say that www.strokesafe.com.au is flagrant false advertising.

Slow moving player

2006-10-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

This guy knows how to treat a woman. I'd have to say it's a technique I haven't used before, at least in that variant. Looks like some young lady is going to get lucky this weekend!

A fundamental incompleteness

2006-10-01T02:17:00.000-07:00

Hahaha, this clip made /me laugh. Reminds me of badger phone, bastard child of the original banana phone and badger badger badger badger.

Fucking game over alright

2006-09-30T04:04:00.000-07:00

This evening I had the misfortune of being exposed to a 30 minute section of Spy Kids 3. My hands, being in no position to change the channel, were occupied washing the dishes after my woman had yet again, "fell down some stairs" and was spending the evening in the emergency room. God damn that was some wooden acting; Ricardo Montalban, I've fucked inflatable dolls with more expression. Oh well, guess I'll check out some the offerings over at the free nude photo club.

Declination

2006-09-29T07:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah so many of you will have noticed the drop in posts over the last few weeks. Can't be helped, work has been giving me the rod of "we're going to shove this up your ass and shit on your corpse". Speaking of shit, did you know that all those makeshift crosses you find along the road side come in real handy when you need to scrape dog business off of your shoes?

Cocks or tits?

2006-09-27T01:35:00.000-07:00

In relation to my previous post, Kryz had this to say "I would prefer hitting the nudge button and a perfect set of cans come out and rub themselves on my face." Mmm, that's a good point Kryz. Certainly I think all heterosexual men and women would prefer to see a set of double d's pressed up against their monitor, gyrating ever so smoothly. However when I converse with someone I like to assert my dominance; I want my listeners to know who they're dealing with; a man, a man's man. To achieve this I like to start all my conversations with a firm handshake and the announcement of both the girth and length of my penis. On the Internet I feel I can convey this dominance more effectively with an appropriately sized cock beating against their screens.

Nudge this

2006-09-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

In version 7 of MSN Messenger, Microsoft introduced the attention-getting feature "Nudge". For those of you not familiar with it, Nudge basically shakes the recipient’s conversation window around the screen like some over-caffeinated three year old. Yes it's a great way to annoy friends and co-workers, but I think Microsoft really dropped the ball on this one. I think a far more salient device would be a "turkey slap" button; here the recipient’s window would mutate into a giant penis graphic, and proceed to "slap" itself against the monitor screen. Now that would grab someone's attention.

A perfect circle

2006-09-25T04:49:00.000-07:00

I just caught an interesting segment on SBS which was talking about the possibility of a bioterrorist attack on the US food system. I find the concept has an ironic form of completion: America is the fattest nation on earth, a by-product of the capitalist machinery whose symbol was destroyed in 2001. To then cause Americans to starve with a disruption of their food supply would bring closure; the destruction of both the start and end points in the mechanism of greed. Join the fight kids; let’s make Iran the next Iraq by bombing the entire Middle East into dust!

This post contains words

2006-09-25T03:08:00.000-07:00

Today I happened to watch a commercial for the latest childhood shit fest from Sony films, when I noticed that it had been classified as containing "mild themes". What the fuck is “mild themes”? If Sony's latest Playstation 3 press release efforts are anything to go by, a more appropriate label may be "warning, contains traces of a barely fucking passable storyline."

Like the PS3, I'm sure the movie will be patchwork construction of phonemes selected by a stochastic dictionary algorithm, spattered amongst 100 billion dollars worth of special effects that will leave kids scratching their heads while looking at the empty space in their wallets going "I paid how fucking much to see that?"

Stairway to heaven

2006-09-22T22:43:00.000-07:00

Holy gridlock, the freeway was fucking immobile today; fuck you very much Captain James Cook. Hunched over the wheel like a seething ball of tritium, I came across a beat-up old Volvo with a "protected by angels" bumper sticker. As I passed the window I looked inside to see a middle-aged woman with crystals hanging from her rear-view mirror. I swear at that moment I wanted nothing more than to ram her car over the freeway bridge and watch it explode on impact. "Where are your angels now you stupid hippy bitch? Here's a hint, people who are stupid enough to believe in crystals and angles die poor and exploited."

Free lunch

2006-09-19T06:08:00.000-07:00

I saw titties today, in the flesh. Honest to God beautiful titties and vagina. I didn't even have to buy them a drink or pay admission.

Manic Bitch

2006-09-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how unbelievably perky the people on cheaply done commercials are? Jesus, I was just watching some blinds ad on TV and I swear the girl they had must've been some crazy bipolar bitch. How can you get that excited about blinds? Fucking blinds

Where do you do it?

2006-09-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

I was chatting with my friend Methusael this morning about the effectiveness of gas chambers, and he happened to remark that it's never too early to start jerking off. With that I mind, I'm going to go "discover myself" and I present to you the next Black Bile Box quiz.

An older generation

2006-09-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

I love old Schwarzenegger films, some of them are so sexist they almost make me forget about his shit acting. Still, nothing says 80's entertainment like a speech impediment and a room full of corpses.

The Pope's epic smackdown

2006-09-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

The pope gave the Islamic world a much overdue verbal backhand the other day in his speech when he quoted a 14th century Christian emperor, saying "show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." But Ratzinger's got to use something a little harsher than words if he's going to stop the spread of Islam in Europe.

Cool Teens

2006-09-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

On SBS they just had a segment about teenagers and anxiety. On they show they had this total fucking babe talking about the various methods kids could use to lower and control the disorder, and that there was now an informational CD called "cool teens". Fuck that lame sounding title CD-ROM shit off, all you need to do to reach male teens is have that milf talking about "tension release strategies" in a sultry voice while wearing a bikini. Should could even play with her nipples a little bit. You know, if she wanted to help.

Chicks with cats

2006-09-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

Some nights when I get a little bored I like to head over to online dating sites to have a laugh at the female profiles. Ranging from sedate images of honest lonely hearts to full-frontal "crown of thorns" shots, not only is this resource good for a chuckle, it's also rather erotic. However there is one image type that I can't help but laugh deliriously at. Chicks with cats. Yes ladies, we know you love cats, but the association of "crazy old spinster with 40 cats" just reverberates from your photos.

I tell you, nothing says "I haven't been fucked by another human being in more than 2 years because I have emotional dependency issues" than a picture with you and your cat. We all know where you're getting your "emotional needs" from, and that you would trade that pussycat in a heartbeat for a big dose of hard cock. I find these profiles the most delicious because there's nothing I like more than creating a blistering hot fake profile and sending these eternally lonely bitches free "hugs and kisses". And they wonder why I never reply.

Ride the blond pony

2006-09-11T07:17:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton's new CD is so bad you'll want punch yourself in your vagina if you buy it. No one could possibly purchase or waste value bandwidth stealing this anti-melodic atrocity. It's so bad that it needs to come with the following label: "Warning, purchasing this CD will increase your likelihood of vaginal tearing by 80%."

I don't normally support non-state-sanctioned acts of dissidence, but Bansky did the British community a fucking favour by replacing her CD and cover art with his own remixes. The fact that no one complained about the varying contents can only mean one of two things; (a) people who are sufficiently retarded to want to purchase a Paris Hilton CD couldn't tell the difference either visually or musically (40 Meg, linking post), or (b) upon leaving the store the customer realised the horrendous mistake they did and proceeded to blow their brains out all over the sidewalk.

Where are all the role models?

2006-09-10T23:31:00.000-07:00

Today while watching The Transporter I was struck by the similitude used in movies to portray baddies. In many action films you can always tell who the bad guy is when the female star goads the bad guy into punching/slapping her in the face.

To be honest I'm a little confused by this connection; whenever I've struck my woman she's always been profusely apologetic, claiming it was her fault, and that she deserved it. In the majority of cases this is true, but even when it's not the woman should simply consider this back pay for all the little mistakes she hides from her man. It's little wonder that we're seeing a decline in morality across the Western world; slowly our fabric of order and discipline is being eroded by these erroneous cultural messages.

I strongly believe Hollywood filmmakers and authors need to rectify this situation immediately. There are numerous examples where male dominance could be layered into existing storylines. Take for example the Superman series, were Superman to backhand Lois Lane across the room every now and then, not only would it make the film orders more enjoyable, but young men everywhere would learn a valuable lesson about how to deal with hysterical women. Another scenario could be at the conclusion of Rocky I, when Adrian runs to hug Rocky. Rather than embracing his woman, Rocky should give her a swift right hook, preferably breaking her cheek bone, in return for doubting Rocky and not wanting him to fight in the first place. These are just two examples, but there are many more for which legislation should be drawn up to force Hollywood to re-shoot these scenes.

Fucking Spanglish

2006-09-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Argh, I just found out that I downloaded four episodes of Grey's Anatomy in Spanish voiceover. GOT DAMN YOU MISLABELLED TORRENTS, NO ONE SPEAKS THAT MONKEY LANGUAGE ANYWAY!

Yeah that's right, I dream of fucking Meredith Grey, Christina Yang and Izzie Stevens at the same time. But there isn't a penis alive that wouldn't. Except for gay men, and that's why they're gay; designed by God so they can't breed and pass on the stupid gene that would turn down that threesome.

Quote time

2006-09-07T02:23:00.000-07:00

This morning I web surfed across the following quote "The human brain is the most complex organ known to biology and the second most complex entity in the universe - the first being the universe itself." This may be true, but it is made even truer if we replace the words "The human brain" with "My penis", and the word "complex" with "important".

A Postmodern wank just sounds cooler

2006-09-05T21:34:00.000-07:00

The astute reader may have noticed that in my first Black Bile Box post I declared myself to be a modernist. Why did I use that word? Something that has irked me now for quite some time is the obsession with and flippant application of the term "postmodernism" in today's society. Pseudo-intellectual discussions toss the word around with similar propensity that armchair computer and border security analysts use the term "biometrics" as the solution to all problems.

I use the term modernist not because I reject the criticisms put forward by postmodernist thinkers, but instead to highlight my distaste for the touchy-feely, spiritual, outside-the-box, next-gen, holistic, natural-therapy, can't be explained by rational thought, pentasyllabic (to quote an angry LJ'er), deconstructionist, unjustified pile of fucking wank (to paraphrase Chomsky) that these people extol. You use the term postmodernism because you want to sound hip, not because you know what it means. You use the term postmodernism because you don't have the intellectual grunt required to rationalise a problem, to form cogent, syllogistic progressions and instead wave your hands around and use either enormous words to confuse and shame, or instead claim science can't explain everything so let’s turn back the clock and embrace some form of East-West synergistic bullshit.

On the former, there's nothing wrong with trying to expand one's vocabulary, but there's point beyond which it is done with the sole intent of exclusion and ego-stroking. Listening to the latter case is like listening to the words of religious freaks from a thousand years ago only phrased in a new vernacular. It's been said that death and taxes are the only constants in life, I'd like to add "elitism and blind faith" to that list.

Mini Mario

2006-09-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

Hot off the press: It's a Mario! Princess peach gives birth to baby boy. I'm sure all that naughty "slumming" sex she had with the palace's Italian plumber was fantastic, but it sure doesn't compare to the beautiful gift he left in her uterus.

Unearthed Rage

2006-09-05T03:20:00.000-07:00

This story is a bloody outrage. How dare they propose to unearth Mussolini! This man was a hero, a patriot, and one who championed the cause of justness; he should be left to rest in peace. The Man and Mussolini had a "Pact of Steel"; we must honour Mussolini for his vision and foresight in this, he must not be tossed around for the triviality of history. We must continue to honour his memory, the accord and all that it stood for!

Fatties on Air

2006-09-03T22:29:00.000-07:00

If you're ever at home during the day you're bound to channel surf across a couple of midday television shows. I'm so fucking goddamned sick of seeing these gratuitous American whining women talkback sessions. It seems like they all have a contract to do at least five 'fat people are beautiful too' shows per season. Here's an insider hint from reality: you're not beautiful, and guys with a healthy Body Mass Index will never think you are. What they are doing is pandering to the stay-at-home female demographic, which being American is almost certainly overweight and self-loathing. These shows are not telling you that it's OK to be a blimp, what they are doing is telling all you fat people what you'd like to hear. These shows are the worst kind of perversion and manipulation, they do nothing to solve the problem and instead prey on the fears and vulnerabilities of stupid people; that's the Internet's job! Snap out of dream land girls, get off the couch, and get those Twinkie fat rolls you call fingers stuck down your throat.

An old favourite

2006-09-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

After the last few posts, and on the advice of Kryz, I felt it was time to lower the tone of Black Bile Box once again. Heidi Klum has been a faithful member of my spank bank for some time, so I thought it was time to pay her my regards.

The Feminine Bonsai

2006-09-03T18:14:00.000-07:00

This morning I sat and looked upon a bonsai tree. During that brief period of reflective analogical thought, I wondered if the nonliteral chains and restrictions I place upon a woman also have a similar restraining effect. Are women capable of more than simply housework? But then I realised that bonsai trees don't have great tits. Nature, like woman, is simply man's plaything. And like the bonsai, women are purely decorative and serve no functional purpose besides a little bit of (CO2) cleaning.

Crazy John's forums at massively reduced prices!

2006-09-03T00:46:00.000-07:00

I think that all forum threads which discuss religious or political content should come with a big seizure-inducing .GIF at the start with a warning that the resulting cerebral damage of the seizure will probably be less than the damage caused from reading the thread.

In order to engage in democratic fire stoking I'm forced to read these vortexs of hate, hypocrisy, emotional ranting and misery, and each time I do I feel like I've hammered yet another 4.5 inch nail into my frontal lobes.

I compare the types of people who inhabit these caves to the mentally disabled rats we run through mazes; you know, the type that keep pressing the button which jolts them with a 20,00o volt electric current rather than rapidly learning to press the one which dispenses food. Let me save you all some time: you're not going to change anyone's opinion. Any discussion by partisan supporters, the type who are committed enough to debate on political forums, is purely an emotional one.

To summarise the study: "When 30 self-described partisans were presented with contradictory quotes about the [political] candidates ..., it was the portions of the brain that process emotion, not rational thinking, that became active. "The thinking caps went off and the feeling caps went on," [normally] a brain faced with contradictory information will fire up the zones where reason or rational thought happens. [Additionally, the] research does demonstrate that centrists or independents are more able to process rational and non-emotional political information."

But it's not all bad, at least these people (both left and right-wing) are in there wasting their time rather than outside damaging society. Keep it up!

The "Go Fuck Yourself" Steph Show

2006-09-01T02:08:00.000-07:00

I hate the Channel 10 marketing machine; it spews out mercantile shit using the very cheapest of labor. One such human abortion is "The Steph Show". Like many pop music-tv marriages these days, fuck-you Idolclits, the resultant music is typically a steaming pile of post-production shit. This no talent hack has her music written for her, sounds like Kelly Clarkson, and is produced by the same mob, a fact the show makes no attempt to hide in its continual name dropping of Kelly. Big mistake removing the eternal 6pm Simpsons slot Channel 10; watching the same Simpson's episode for the 24th time is more entertaining and produces far less rage. Give up now bitch and go back to acting, music reached perfection with Richard Wagner anyway.

Unilateral Action against our enemies

2006-08-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

I have long supported the use of unilateral military force against enemy states. Those that threaten our security and freedom must be dealt with swiftly and harshly. The wheels of international diplomacy turn slowly, as is the course with any squabbling democracy. Iran has once again bitten its thumb at the West. Yes Iran is 5 to 8 years away from a nuclear weapon, but we are at a dangerous cross-road. There is no need for nation building, on that Rumsfeld and I agree. The Middle East is doomed to fanaticism regardless; "dictatorship naturally arises out of democracy."

It must never be forgotten that nothing really great in this world has ever been achieved through coalitions, but that such achievements have always been due to the triumph of the individual. Successes achieved through coalitions, owing to the very nature of their source, carry the germs of future disintegration in them from the very start; so much so that they have already forfeited what has been achieved.

If those Chinese and Russian pussies aren't prepared to help us bomb Iran back into the Stone Age we must go it alone as we did with Iraq and Afghanistan.

Some Poll Results

2006-08-31T20:35:00.000-07:00

We've had quite a few BBB polls over August, so it's time for a few results.

Flexible Dreams

2006-08-31T20:05:00.000-07:00

If men could suck their own cocks, there'd only be two things left for women to do, and they both start with the letter C.

Tap that Ass

2006-08-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

A beautiful ass is wonderful thing to possess. Be it fully clothed, barely visible through the condensation of the shower door, or pearly white naked as it stares up at you, hips raised, legs slightly apart, thighs quivering, just waiting for penetration. While there are many out there, there are few that compare to the tightness of Alizée Jacotey. Born in 1984 (yes she's legal), so incredible is this little package that one picture just does not do it justice. If you'd like to see Alizee topless, check out this video. Just typing the URL made me hard.

My Inner Cloister

2006-08-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

Hello children, Jasper has been rather active of late, "getting amongst it politik style." With the increased attention I've decided to update my profile so as it give visitors a more accurate picture of who I am. To answer the questions posed by MSG, my story is not one of a self loathing Believer, either in the literal or figurative sense.

Childhood pussies

2006-08-30T08:18:00.000-07:00

The problem with the youth of today is that they've been raised in a sterilised, cotton-wool wrapped environment. We tell fables and nursery rhymes of cats in hats, bears with porridge and lions without courage. Never mind the content, probably dreamed up during some liberal-minded drug-induced hallucinogenic hippy "freak-out fest." Where's the realism? Where are the stories that the youth of today can really learn something from? Where are the stories of teamwork? For example, the Anschluss Österreichs showed how great things could be achieved when people work together! What about the value of honesty and faith to one's own kind? A few stories from the Albigensian Crusade will teach children all they need to know about obeying sanctioned spiritual guidance. Lastly, nothing teaches small children about the consequences of misbehaving than a chapter from Revelations; statements like "an eternity in fiery agony while rats gnaw at your eyes, all because little Jane stole a cookie and then lied about it" really snaps them into shape.

I won't even begin to go into illustrations, suffice to say that they are piss weak. Possible replacements include some of Jan Luiken's fine work from Martyrs Mirror. Take the illustration below, think about how much more effective the US soldiers at Abu Ghraib could have been if they were given picture books like these as children.

Black Bile Box Mission Statement

2006-08-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

"Black Bile Box - Stoking the fire of Democracy since 2006"

Fuck you hi5friendstermyspacefacebook cunts!

2006-08-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

People continually send me invites to join their social networking sites. Not a month goes by where some thankfully forgotten mind-wipe victim sends me the promises of making yet another 20 million new netwrok friends!!!!!1!!~! Let me be clear: I don't like you people, the reason I never talk to you should be evidence of that. Further, if you're the type of person who signs up to those privacy raping machines for reasons other than stalking, you automatically go into the draw for the "I fucking hate you and want to stab you in your reproductive organs" prize. Incidentally, I think it is classic that hi5.com, known as HI5 or HIV in roman numerals, chose to name themselves after something as virulent and destructive as the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, agent of the AIDS disease.

The War on Bitches

2006-08-29T06:07:00.000-07:00

Freedom-haters out there will tell you we're losing the war on terror because we haven't won the battle for hearts and minds. No. We're losing the war because too many of our fine young men are contracting syphilis and gonorrhoea by hoping into bed with "Good Time" Girls.

I think we need to start a radical re-education program with these posters displayed in prominent positions through out all major Western cities, starting with that haven of disease and prostitution: Birdee Num Nums.
Because remember kids, you can't beat the Axis if you get VD.

A devilishly good read

2006-08-28T04:24:00.000-07:00

WITCH, n.: (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil.; (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

I like the cut of Ambrose Bierce's jib, I think we'll be hearing more from this chap over time.

Fridge Piggy

2006-08-27T23:33:00.000-07:00

When I was young I bought myself a fridge piggy. I was fascinated and delighted by its light-sensitive operation; whenever you opened the refrigerator door it would oink away. The device was of course designed as a shaming mechanism to stop tubby people from opening the fridge. If only such a device could be imbedded into a woman's mouth at birth.

Starving Patriots

2006-08-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

I was devastated to hear that the Indian restaurant themed after the world's greatest leader has been forced to change its name. One person went so far as to say that The Man had perpetrated "heinous crimes against humanity." Really though, when Mr Solomon said "heinous crimes against humanity," didn't he really mean "acts of genius"?

Would you hit it?

2006-08-27T01:47:00.000-07:00

Readers, you adore the female form. How could you not? This curvaceous masterpiece often makes a late Friday night request to 'gird one's loins'. In that spirit I've decided to expand the ogling category.

Bye bye Telstra

2006-08-25T01:10:00.000-07:00

John Howard announced today that the Government would be selling half of its remaining share in Telstra. I for one couldn't agree more with this decision, if the Government won't protect national monopolies, who will? Think of the economic boom for Telstra board members everywhere. Now everyday Australians will get to enjoy the same high-quality and competitve infrastructure for generations.

A sensitive cock

2006-08-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

There are all together too many homosexuals in this world. Once upon a time the world knew what to do with these men. While I can't openly endorse sterilisation, there are other publicly acceptable alternatives; my favorite of these is "deprogramming." One of the great men spearheading this campaign is Richard Cohen, from his own web site: Cohen is "an expert in sexual reorientation therapy - both as a counselor and through his own personal experience transitioning from a homosexual to a heterosexual orientation in the 1980's." Here's a man who's not afraid to stand up and proclaim "I was once a turd burglar, a marmite miner, an ass pirate; but today I'm a happy and well adjusted male in a fulfilling heterosexual relationship with a Korean woman who doesn't at all look like a man." Bravo Richard.

I particularly love this quote by Richard "there are numerous causes of SSA [Same Sex Attraction], for example: lack of bonding with same-sex parent, over attachment with opposite-sex parent, same-sex peer wounds, hypersensitivity and sexual abuse." You hear that women, it's all your fault. It's like I've been saying all along, women are the reason we have so many gay men in this world; if there weren't any women, there wouldn't be any reason to be gay.

I for one am hoping that medical science proves the existence of a "gay gene". With rapid identification, a deprogramming regime can then be integrated into schools, preferrably following religious services to produce a double shame whammy. In time, parents will then have the option of gene shopping, where they can, God willing, "switch off the gay."

Now some of you may argue that homosexuality is just part of nature, that many species partake in it. Well I'm here to tell you God-haters that we are not animals. 6000 years ago man was created from a pile of dust; never mind that we share 98.4% of DNA with chimpanzees, a species that also participates in homosexulaity, 98.4% isn't 100%!

So remember men, if you've ever been in an embarrasing situation where you've become aroused by another man's genetalia, be it in the shower, the school locker room, or the latest glossy edition of the hardcore "Latin Inches" magazine, you too can seek help. Together we can one day rid the world of this terrbile affliction, one cock at a time.

Bitches, these legs are closed

2006-08-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

This evening I was out and about with society's upper class, wining, dining, fitching. During my travels I met up with two French exchange girls. The act was laid down and it wasn't long before these bitches were hooked. Not an uncommon occurrence these days, it's rare for me not to leave without the phone number or panties of a desired girl. Smooth as ice I played the friends off against one another; it was awesome. Before long, these two girls who had developed a friendship while living here, suddenly turned on each other like cats, vying for my attention with stories while pushing the other down with snide comments. Sorry fuggers, I'm not calling, I just like fucking with stupid women.

Kryz, telling it like it is

2006-08-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

I was so impressed with Kryz's latest comment that I thought I would share it with all of you.

"We're too fucking conservative and prudish [in Australia]. I love nothing more than seeing two young things just going at it hammer and tonk out in the open, doing as they fucking please.

Who gives a fuck if the kiddies may see it? They're gonna see it some day, and if there is anything we can do for future generations, it's to make the young ones confident about getting nude and rude with their chosen squeeze.

No one likes a timid frigid tonk."

I couldn't agree more Kryz; nobody likes a timid frigid tonk. Perhaps this country needs a national 'Fuck in Public' day. We could sell little plastic blue lotus flowers, or pink tacos. Never mind that sex in private may be a cornerstone of human evolution, I say we do it like Bonobos!

Titties on air in Sweden

2006-08-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

Haha, I love sex on national G rated television. This clip shows a news broadcast in Sweden. At around 4:00 to 4:30 over the guys left shoulder you start to see two people fucking. Apparently there were no complaints from people watching the show live. No one really knows that they've seen it. But they did.

Where do you like to masturbate
	On the bed
	At the computer
	Over my girlfriend while she's sleeping
	In my girlfriend's mouth or other various holes
	During my sleep so I wake to a big sticky fuck-off mess
	Upside down so it hits me in the face
	Outside a private girls school
	All of the above

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I'd like to do the following to Heidi's picture
	Masturbate over it
	Masturbate over it again
	Pin it on the wall of my freakish Heidi Klum stalker collage
	Glue it to the face of my girlfriend
	Pin on my girlfriend's bedroom door with the caption "this is what a real woman looks like"
	Burn it, along with my hard drive
	All of the above

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Would you tap that ass?
	Yes
	I'm all sticky
	I'd love a bit of clit on clit action
	No, I prefer fat chicks

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I'd like to hit Holly ...
	Daily, nightly and ever so rightly
	On a grassy meadow in amongst the wildflowers
	In the vagina for being such a troll

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